


Worst Case Scenario - Ghani

by starrynightwrt



Category: Bumilangit Cinematic Universe, Gundala (2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21833707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightwrt/pseuds/starrynightwrt
Summary: Life doesn’t always go as planned, it doesn’t matter how meticulously you calculate every detail to fit your preferred frame of reference, sometimes, some variables just went out of their way to derail your plansGhani Zulham knew that he needed to prepare for this. So, that if the worst case scenario ever happened, he at least got one less thing to worry about.
Relationships: Ghani Zulham (Ghazul)/Ganda Hamdan, Ghazul/Ganda
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Worst Case Scenario - Ghani

**_30 days._ **

Ganda stood by the mirror, eyeing his reflection with such caution -- eyes tracing over every little detail of his face. He ran his fingers through a faint line of wrinkles on the corner of his weary eyes; you should smile more, that would be the thing Ghani would say if he was there, noting the fact that Ganda tends to put such an intimidating front when meeting other people it resulted in those wrinkle lines. Ganda drew a sigh, running his damp hands entirely through his face, gathering some more consciousness. The water was cold, but Ganda didn’t shiver at all at the touch. The heater broke down around a week ago and Ganda hadn’t had the time to get someone to fix it. Ghani used to be the one to take care of these things, he maintained the house, making sure it was still standing by the end of the day. Between taking care of Arja and his demanding job, Ganda sometimes just couldn’t keep up with all of his new chores. 

**_That’s how long we got. 30 days for me to fight and strive. 30 days for you to learn to let go and say goodbye._ **

Ganda regretted stealing a glance at the calendar next to the bedroom cabinet -- he knew exactly what day it way, but looking at it on paper, circled with a bright red marker, just made his chest tighten a bit more and made it harder for him to breathe. He had been dreading for this day come, thinking that he would be ready with all the mental preparation he had done, turned out, he was absolutely incorrect. He tried tricking his mind into thinking that this was just like any other day. Just like any other day, a day where he would wake up, make breakfast, get ready for work, drop Arja at her school, go to work, pick Arja up, visit Ghani in the evening, have dinner, and go home for a quiet night. But today, instead of going home, he had to quite literally kill his husband by taking him off life support.

**_Ganda, I want you to know that this doesn’t mean I'm giving up on you and Arja._ **

Dropping Arja off at her school today was especially hard. Ganda sat in his car and watched as the girl made her way into the building, just before she passed the door, she turned around, threw Ganda a small smile and waved at him. He didn’t realize how much she had grown, it seemed like it was just yesterday when he and Ghani brought her home from the hospital and spent the whole night up because she wouldn’t stop crying. Now, she was already on the 1st grade, she had learned how to read and to count up to 20. She was a fast learner, something she picked up from Ghani. 

Ganda drove off with a heavy heart, drowning in his own thoughts. Barry Manilow's Cant Smile Without You was playing softly in the background. Ganda couldn’t help but curved his lips into a smile even though his heart was aching beyond belief, this was the song that Ghani played on the drive home from their first date. Ganda remembered how Ghani rocked his heart out to the song, making a fool out of himself, just to make him laugh. He imagined Ghani sitting on the seat next to him, throwing a warm victorious smile every time he succeeded in breaking Ganda into a giggle.

Oh dear god, how he missed that smile. Ganda closed his eyes while waiting for the traffic light, brief flashes of Ghani appeared on his head. He tried recalling when was the last time he saw that smile; it was around a month ago, the morning before he went in for the brain surgery. The hospital bed was a bit too small for both Ghani and Ganda, but Ganda managed to lay slightly on Ghazul’s chest. They were waiting for the interns and residents to start their morning round and prep Ghani for the procedure, Arja was fast asleep in her chair, and Ganda was counting to the beat of Ghani’s heart. Ganda remembered looking up, and found Ghani who already had him locked in his eyes; Ghani **_smiled_**. Ganda wished for the world to stop turning at that very second, he wanted the rest of the world to disappear and leave them be. No surgery, no life-threatening brain aneurysm, no possibility of losing one another. Just them.

**_This is me not wanting to spend the rest of my years hooked up on life support._ **

Ganda never truly understood what really went down in that operating room. ‘There was some bleeding,’ the neurosurgeon said, they managed to get it under control. But, with brain surgery, you never know how much damage or repair happened to the brain until said patient wakes up -- but Ghani’s case was exceptionally intricate and what happened in the operating room was in no way foreseeable, there is also the possibility of him not waking up at all.

The neurosurgeon then gave Ganda some questions to answer and some paperwork to fill. They ask whether or not Ganda wanted them to do the extreme measures to save Ghani’s life if the situation ever come down to that. Of course, Ganda thought, of course, he would want them to do anything to save Ghani’s life. But then it came to his realization how much Ghani wouldn’t want that. Ganda knew Ghani by heart, even without the written will, he knew exactly which was the right choice to make. But, for Ganda, the right choice was not necessarily the easy choice.

**_This is me not wanting to make you suffer by having a vegetable as a husband._ **

When Ganda walked down the hospital hallway today, it was almost like walking through the hallway of his own home. He had grown familiar with the building and the people for the past couple of weeks. Both Ganda and Arja had already memorized the name of every ICU personnel, including the nurses and surgical interns. Every ICU personnel had also grown familiar with Ganda and Arja, they greeted them a good day when they walk past them in the hallway, they brought Arja her favorite lime jello every time she came to visit, they even made sure to change the water in the vase on Ghani’s dressers, keeping the flowers fresh and taken care of.

“Selamat sore, Pak Hamdan,” Sarah, the on-call resident greeted Ganda this evening, she then threw a heart-warming smile at Arja who was walking by his father steps.

Just as usual, Ganda set his bag on the chair next to Ghani’s bed before checking on his husband and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. He ran his fingers through the soft surface of Ghani’s cheek, recalling the shave he did yesterday.

**_This is me accepting fate as what it is and stop cheating my way around it._ **

The thought of Ghani Zulham finally giving up on fate and stop cheating his way around it was peculiar, to say the least. But, even Ganda himself knew that this day would eventually come. Though he never imagined it to come so early in their years, and it never really dawned on him how hard it would be to finally come to terms with the reality of losing Ghani. Ganda’s hand clutched on the sheet of Ghani’s bed. He turned to Arja who was standing by the foot of the bed. He held back a word, biting down on his bottom lip, almost certain that if he tried saying what he wanted to say without gathering himself first, he’d broke down. His hand reached out to hold Arja’s.

“Arja, sini, sayang,” the words came out as a raspy whisper, “papa mau ngomong.”

Ganda sat Arja down on his lap, holding her close. Again, he found his eyes tracing the lines of Arja’s features, capturing every little detail -- he never realised how much Arja’s face mirrored Ghani’s. 

“Arja,” Ganda’s fingers slipped a loose strand of hair on the back of Arja’s ear, “Arja tahu kan papa sayang sama Arja?”

Arja nodded.

“Arja tahu kan papa nggak akan melakukan apapun yang menyakiti Arja?”

Another nod.

“Arja -- papa mau minta maaf ya.”

**_Everything is gonna be okay -- as impossible as it sounds, it’s gonna be okay, darling._ **

Paraphrasing death was not something Ganda thought he would ever do. He tried to be candor with Arja and explain everything as it is; how he had to be the one to pull the plug to finally relief Ghani off his pains, how after Ghani was taken off life support he will be dead in less than an hour, how _this_ was all an act of love and affection. But, he understood that Arja herself still struggle to grasp with the concept of death itself. 

“Ayah nanti nggak akan sakit lagi,” Ganda tried to explain what would happen once he decided to pull the plug off Ghani, “ayah bisa istirahat, ayah bisa pulang ke surga.”

**_Tell Arja that I love her and that I will always do._ **

“Ayah sayang sama Arja dan akan selamanya sayang sama Arja,” Ganda thread his words through Ghani’s instructions.

**_Tell her i’m sorry. I’m sorry that I won’t be there to see her on her graduation day, I’m sorry that I won’t be there to send her away on her wedding day, I’m sorry that I won’t be there when she grows up. And promise me that you’ll do all that for me._ **

“Ayah minta maaf,” Ganda cupped Arja’s cheek with her had as a drop a tear streamed down her face, “ayah cuma bisa menemani Arja sampai sini.”

Arja’s little hands reached out to rest on Ganda’s cheeks as well, trying to calm her father who was now a shuddering mess, “papa..”

“Tapi, Arja harus tahu,” Ganda’s index finger pointed on Arja’s chest, “Ayah akan selalu ada buat Arja, di sini.”

“Dan papa--” Ganda drew in a shaky breath, “papa janji akan selalu ada buat Arja.”

**_And as for you, darling. I’m so sorry for bailing on my wedding vow. I have failed on making you the happiest man on earth and keeping you away from harm._ **

Ganda was petrified on his stance, watching as a surgical attending carefully turned the machines that Ghani was hooked to one by one. The mechanic buzz of each apparatus died down into the occasional beeping of one last EKG machine. A nurse removed the intubation tube from Ghani’s throat after making sure that the anesthesia was still running through Ghani’s stream to keep him comfortable. ‘It could take some time,’ the nurse explained before offering Ganda his condolences and leaving the room. 

Arja laid down next to Ghani, resting her head on his father’s chest. She was counting to the fading beats of her father’s heart, noticing how the intervals of each beat were starting to grow longer and longer, before eventually, the wait for the next beat became unbelievably petrifying. Around an hour later, as the zig-zag lines on the EKG screen faded into a straight one, Ganda placed a kiss on top of Ghani’s head and whispered his last goodbye.

**_And with this, darling, I bid you adieu. Thank you -- for everything._ **

**_See you in the next life, Ganda Hamdan._ **

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
